Beauty and Chaos

Beauty and Chaos

So I will do my best here today knowing my words will fail miserably to tell the truth. But hopefully someday, someone who reads this, will already be looking in the directions I am pointing. And hopefully they will adjust their eyes ever so slightly, adjust their focus ever so sweetly, tilt their head so their ears catch the waves, and lift their hands into the breeze so as to catch a glimmer of the beauty I am pointing too. Far off in the distance yet ever, ever, ever so close.

Yes it was Beauty that I saw. Beauty with a capital B. Beauty that contained it all. Nothing I could ever see, feel or hear could possibly be outside this experience of beauty. It was all encompassing. Timeless. Now.

I was sitting in front of a native bush full of flowers. Just looking intimately, enjoying the colours, the light, the textures and the aliveness of it all. As I softened and dropped into myself the beauty grew, and it became quite intense. I sat with the immensity if it, and I noticed myself letting it in more and more, past the point that was comfortable. The feeling, the sensation of it was becoming quite overwhelming. I recongnised how difficult it is for the heart to witness such magnificence, complexity, chaos and order intertwined in an intricate web of life. I genuinely wondered how much my heart could physically take, and I chose to keep looking no matter what.

Then there was this moment, a sudden collapse or let go towards singularity. A moment of surrender. A moment where I was suddenly engulfed in the beauty. Swallowed by Love. Everything was inside out. The realisation was instant, I was the beauty I was seeing. The beauty was now looking at me, through me, as me. I had been somehow holding myself apart, not seeing correctly, not thinking correctly. Feeling somehow a subtle victim to all that beauty. And in that moment the overwhelm disappeared. Love bloomed. Beauty was.

Overwhelm ceased to exist in me. Reflecting back, its been a couple of years since then, I believe the feeling of overwealm comes now an invitation to remember. How can I be too much for myself?

Beauty is not something to behold, something to experience or something to let in. It is the very truth of who you are.